The Stupid Thing I Did Today

You know the adage, “you learn something new every day”?  Well, in my life, it sort of goes, “you DO something new every day”…and that something isn’t always pretty.

Today, for instance, I got us to my son’s soccer game…at the wrong time.  This was a mere couple of hours before sending my husband to a two-hour workshop…that was actually scheduled for next week.

I have a feeling this page will be filled to the brim with delicious stories as such.  And on the day when I manage to go to bed without having done something stupid, I’ll fill you in on the time I lost my son.

That’s a doozy!

 

Saturday, May 17

This one, even I can’t believe.  (Ok, maybe I can…)

It was one of those rare moments where I actually get to take a shower.  Let’s just pause to reflect on the glory of that moment, shall we…

Anyway, even though I got to shower, I still had to do it quickly.  Shampoo, done.  Conditioner, done.  Face wash, done.  Body wash, done.

Crap.  Still need to shave.  Ok, hurry, Jess, hurry (but don’t cut yourself)!

Shaving, done.  Whew…time to get out.

But my legs still feel rough.  What?

Um…maybe next time I will remember to take the cap off the razor first.

 

Sunday, May 4

Well, if this isn’t the picture of losing your hope, I have no idea what is!Image 1

My sweet friend gave me this “hope” bracelet several months ago as a daily reminder of how to face each day; of what to cling to in the hardest times.  So, you can imagine how upsetting it was to see my hope destroyed!  

We can’t have that, can we?

Of course not.

So, I did what anyone trying to restore their hope would do.  I pulled out the Super Glue!  My efforts to regain some hopeful composure resulted in not only this:Image 2

(Note the additional superglue handiwork in this picture….)

…but I also glued together three of my fingers!  Oh yes, I did!  

If you gotta go on the Super Glue, go big!

 

Friday, April 25

While I was making dinner tonight, I had to use several more burners than I usually do.  This always means that everything will cook slower than it should.  That being said, I try to turn off as many as I can before using the others.  Worked out well tonight:  I was making hard-boiled eggs on one and rice on another.  I could easily turn the burner off on the eggs and on for the rice.  Which is what I did!

Five minutes later:

“Um, Jessica? (spoken by m-i-l) Did you intend to have the burner on under the rice?”

“Yeah, is it boiling?”

“Well, no.  You forgot to turn it on.”

So much for getting the dinner done faster.

Friday, April 18

I had the privilege of attending my Little Angel’s Easter Egg Hunt and party at school today.  My assignment was to bring milk for the smurfs to drink.  Well, my fridge is always stocked with two gallons of milk:  organic for drinking, regular for cereal (i.e. dumping down the drain).  I certainly didn’t have room left in my fridge for whatever was left over from another gallon of milk, so I chose to swipe one of my gallons to take to the party.  Being the ever-conscious mommy I am (ok, wanting to impress the other parents…), I grabbed the organic gallon.  To my dismay, there wasn’t quite enough in there to quench 14 little mouths.  So, I did what any parent-impressing-mommy would do:

I filled the organic container with regular milk, and  happily proceeded to the party. 

Friday, Mar. 28

Today I am driving to Disney World in a torrential downpour with one child sick with strep throat and another on the brink.  We are heading to “The Happiest Place on Earth” for ONE day, my birthday, and then heading back home.  

Did I mention that it’s supposed to rain on that ONE day?

So, strep throat, rain, 7 hours each way, and oh yeah…it’s Spring Break time.

Nuff said.

 

Monday, Mar. 17

As I was making dinner, it was imperative that I take a break to have a bite of dessert.  After all, who can get through the cooking process without a little sugar?!  In so doing, I snapped a chocolate covered graham cracker in half sending a valuable chunk of chocolate onto the stove burner.

Knowing what an irreplaceable treasure that cocoa was and seeing as how I needed the calories to propel me to finish cooking dinner, I immediately reached into the fire to grab it.

Whew! That was a close one!

Is something burning?

 

Thursday, Mar. 13

Hollered at Big Boy for making us run late for soccer AGAIN, making that a complete run of…every time.

Till I realized that maybe…um,….maybe I was the one responsible for the lateness….

Me?  Late?!  HA!  I’m only late every…well,…every moment.

 

 

Monday, Mar. 10

Miracle of all miracles, it was actually sunny and warm today!  After the horrid winter we have had (so far), the sunshine was a much-needed, much-welcomed reprieve.  In my excitement and enthusiasm about the change in the air, my angel baby and I decided to plant our spring flowers.  So, off we trounced to purchase a splash of color for our front yard.  

Well, my first “stupid action” alert should have occurred at the store, when I noticed that they did not yet carry any of the varieties of flora and fauna to which I had grown accustomed to planting each spring.  But alas, I was not to be deterred.  So, baby and I purchased a NEW variety of plants for this year’s colorful display.

Home we went, with a trunk full of color and hearts at the ready to decorate.  We worked feverishly.  Raking, digging, planting, mulching, watering.  And it looks beautiful!  Warm, sunny colors to welcome in a warm, sunny spring.

And then the neighbor walked by.

“You know it’s going to freeze on Wednesday, right?”

Dang it.

 

Sunday, Mar. 9

The time has come.  Time for “The Story”; how I lost my son.

I was running a road race shortly after my daughter (my youngest angel) was born.  Seeing as how I was still nursing her, I needed to have her nearby, but clearly couldn’t run with her in arms.  My sister offered to bring all three kids to the race to cheer me on, allowing me to nurse both before and after.  

My only concern with this plan was the “after” part.  I knew that “after” would consist of a post-race finish line party, complete with 15,000 runners and their cheering families.  My middle son, being the absent-minded professor he is, would easily be enamored by flags, colors, and noise, and would most likely wander into the middle of oblivion.  I was highly concerned about this and practically threatened my sister’s mental well-being should she not keep an eagle’s eye on middle boy. 

She did a smashing job keeping track of the angel babies until I could swoop them up at the finish line.  From there, we all trekked to the party, I in front of them.  At one point, I turned around to see sister, big boy, angel baby,…and no middle son.  None.  No where to be found.

“Where is he?!?!” I shrieked in horror.  Time stopped as I saw a gaping hole in my children’s birth order and presentation.  My sister and two other running friends responded in shock and fear as they realized what was happening.  Their fear was palpable…for about three seconds.  Then it unexplainably faded into the great horizon, replaced by confusion.

“WHAT?!  Why aren’t you looking?!  Why aren’t you helping find him?!?”

Coyly, my sister merely pointed.

At me.

At my arms…where middle son was and had been safely perched the whole time.

Though taken aback by realizing a whole new level of my stupidity, I’d never been so happy to see that little face. =)

 

Friday, Mar. 7

Shattered a wisdom tooth during a nightly tooth-grinding session, had an emergency extraction.  Not the stupid part.  The stupid part was the two weeks I spent treating a headache and tight neck with massage and muscle relaxers, thinking that was the source of my jaw pain.

REALLY?!

 

Thurs, Mar. 6

Being the fun mommy that I am (Ha!), I have an array of fingernail polishes is a rainbow of fruit flavors.  That way, my little princess will always be just as colorful as her personality.  In the process of changing her pink fingernails to white with blue stripes, I made sure I had everything where it needed to be. Polish remover? Check! Cotton balls? Check! White polish? Check! Blue polish? Check! Daughter? Check! (HA!!  You thought I’d forget her, didn’t you?…that’s the next entry)

I got us all set up at the table so as to not spill or paint anything we didn’t want spilled or painted upon.  I doused a cotton ball in remover, wiped away any hint of pink, set it on the table, and proceeded to apply the first coat of white paint.  Then the second.  Then the blue stripes.  Done!  Beautiful! (in the eye of the beholder, of course)  I then cleaned up all the supplies: remover, paint, cotton ball, lacquer from the table….  Oh yes.  Apparently, a cotton ball doused in nail polish remover will remove more than just polish.

Now I need a tutorial on refinishing a kitchen table…

In other news, I found my lost photo!  Don’t know how.  (Don’t ask questions, Jess.)

 

 

Wed, Mar. 5

This one has to do with this blog.  I’m still in the process of figuring out how to work this darned thing, and in so doing am trying to attach a photo to my last post.  I was smart enough to search the google archives to find the photo I wanted, and now I have saved and attached it somewhere on this site.  WHERE IS IT?  If anyone finds my lost photo, please let me know where it has gone…

 

Tuesday, Mar. 4

Is it sad that I have an entry on this page every day?

Anyway, my hallmark moment came late this time.  It was time for nighty-night in our household, and as usual, I was the last one to ascend the stairwell to sleepdom.  Being the last one up, I naturally turned off all the lights as I went.  Little did I know, our dog had planted himself happily along the length of the third step up, and had no intention of moving.

As would be expected from a romp in the dark, I quite surprisingly stepped upon said creature, who then yelped loudly, jumped up, and sent me careening down the three stairs I had ascended to step upon him in the first place.  At this point, I then yelped.

My happy family slept gaily through it all, save a question about a rather distant loud noise.

 

, Mar. 3

Well, that didn’t take long.  By 1:00 pm, I had my entry for the day.  

My daughter and I were purchasing a couple of treasures at Barnes and Noble, one of which she picked out herself for a friend (a frequent occurrence).  The cashier was so struck by Little Lady’s act of kindness that she struck up a rousing conversation with her.  I was happily enjoying the discourse as the cashier sent over the receipt to sign.  Seeing as how Little Lady was the one making the purchase, I absent-mindedly handed the receipt and the pen over to her to sign.

Um, Jess,…she’s five!

 

 

 

 

 


10 thoughts on “The Stupid Thing I Did Today

  1. Jessica, I do stupid things every day too, and am in awe of you for being willing to share for us to all empathize with you, and chuckle at you. I usually am so embarrassed at myself, I determine that NOBODY is ever going to hear about this (at least from me)! So I look forward to hearing about your daily antics – you write with such heartfelt description that I can mentally visualize all this as it happened. (poor Chester, I assume he survived okay?)

  2. He Jess. You are doing a great job! Love the stupid things I did today. Keep up the good work! Love ya and miss ya LOTS!!!

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